Just Said No
So here’s the thing that you need to understand about being an elementary school kid in the late 80s/early 90s: we were led to believe that drugs were going to be constantly pushed on us. Our teachers told us this. Nancy Reagan told us this. TV shows told us this. Cartoon characters told us this a lot.
I still remember the PSA starring the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where they showed a video of a kid named Tommy being offered weed. Donatello and company talked us through how to say no. That’s where I learned that “I’m not a chicken! You’re a turkey!” was going to be the kiss-off line that would save me from some mullet-headed, jean jacket-wearing fifth grade drug kingpin.
This is not to make light of drug addiction nor to gloss over the complicated legacy of the War on Drugs, both of which are serious issues. It’s just that I was told that I was going to need all this drug-resistance education because I would one day be bombarded with every illegal substance known to humanity. Except it never happened.
Until today.
I was walking home from having picked up dinner. Headphones in and listening to a podcast like any good millennial. Sitting on a stoop beside the sidewalk was a guy with a bag at his feet. He looked like he had just ditched his surfboard: long blonde hair, peach fuzz beard. He said something to me and I pulled an AirPod out of my ear.
“You like drugs?”
I laughed out loud. “No,” I said as I continued to walk down the sidewalk.
“Not even hippie drugs?” he offered as he raised his eyebrows conspiratorially.
He was trying to be the jean jacket kid! What wormhole did I walk through that landed me in a 1980s after school special? Also, did this lame sales pitch actually work on people he thought were on the fence?
I squashed another laugh. “No, man.” And I popped my earphone back in and kept walking down the street. I had done it. I had finally passed the great trial that my childhood assured me I would face. I had just said no.
As I walked away, I realized what I was wearing. I had changed into a t-shirt when I had gotten home from work. Proudly looking out from my chest were the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
We did it, Donatello. We finally did it.
