To Liam on his 5th Birthday

Liam,
Right after bedtime is probably not the moment to write this to you. Bedtime can kind of be a war of attrition with you these days. Tonight, it took so much effort to get you to put on your pajama shirt. So much effort. You can be a super stubborn kid and there are contexts when that is amazing. It is going to serve you so well if you learn how to channel it. But the pajama shirt tonight...dude, I was already exhausted before that mess.

But here is the positive spin I'm going to put on that: I think the reason that you fight going to bed is because you enjoy being awake so much. You enjoy playing and being read to and eating and doing everything else a little boy your age does. You are so radiantly full of life. Even though this force of nature that you are tries to barrel through your mom and I sometimes, I am kind of in awe of it. You seem to go after each day like it's an adventure to be had. Witnessing that is a blessing to your nearly 30 years older dad.

So let me tell you a little bit about yourself right now. Your mom made you an awesome quilt for your fifth birthday. On it are two ducks and a monkey, which represent your stuffed friends that go to school in your backpack each day. There is a doughnut because there is nothing you love more in this world than to go to the Donut Den. There is Darth Vader, Scooby Doo, Robin, and Michelangelo; your favorite characters. I'm still not sure what to do about the fact that Darth Vader is one of your favorite characters.

You genuinely crack me up. Multiple times a day, your mind will come up with something that makes me laugh out loud, which is not always an easy feat. I love your curiosity and I hope that is something that never leaves you. You can be an enormous pain to your older brother at times. I don't think that you're doing this to be mean. You just want his attention. And I think you enjoy that you can many times wrestle him to the ground (you are built like a little tank). But there are also so many times when you show love and affection for Jim. So you're a textbook little brother and watching you two when you are getting along is one of my favorite things in the world.

Somewhere in this past year, you have taken to calling me "Papa." I have no earthly idea where this came from and, I admit, it kind of threw me off at first. But the sound of your sweet little voice saying that is now one of the favorite things I hear all day. Another thing I love is the way snuggle with both your mom and I. I was at a youth retreat this past weekend and you didn't see me for a couple of days. This afternoon when we were sitting on the couch, you kept a hand on my head as if to make sure I wouldn't go anywhere. And I didn't want to go anywhere. You love your people fiercely and beautifully.

You can be a mess of contradictions at time (which basically means you're a person). You can be well-behaved and incredibly considerate and sometimes can be a selfish bugger. Sometimes you're quiet and reflective and other times you are obnoxiously loud and cannot be stopped. You're pushing limits and figuring out who you are. It can be incredibly tiring for your mom and I but also, I keep coming back to this idea, kind of amazing to behold.

We are so unbelievably and incredibly lucky to be your parents. I hope that is something that you will always know and never forget. There is nothing on this earth that will change our love for you. We'll have to be hard on you at times because we want you to be the best Liam you can be. Your stubbornness already clashes with my stubbornness. I am going to screw up some, which terrifies me. But your mom and I will always be trying our best because you (and your brother) are such incredible gifts. And I really want the rest of the world to get to experience that gift to.

So don't lose your wonder and your zeal for being awake. Continue to be a force of nature and channel that perpetual motion into love. It is my prayer that you grow up to be someone who loves God with his entire being and loves everyone he encounters fiercely. There is such amazing light in you, Liam. I hope you share that with the world.

It is hard to believe that you are five years old today. It does not seem very long ago when I held you in my arms that first time. Time marches at a furious pace. But I am so thankful for everyday that I have gotten with you these first five years. I cannot wait to see what happens next. Your mom and I love you with all of our hearts. We have ever since we heard your heart beat for the first time. And we always will love you. In fact, you have so very many people that love you more than you could ever know. I pray you never forget how loved you are. 

Happy Birthday buddy! I am so lucky that I get to be your dad.

Love,
Dad