"So do you want be a pastor?"
"Are you going to work in a church?"
"What kind of ministry do you want to do?"
Those are the questions I am typically asked when conversations turn to what it is I do. Most people assume that I do not intend to be an early childhood special education assistant my whole life (that's true, though there is nothing wrong if that is what someone wanted). And when they hear that I am semi-recent seminary graduate, the conversation pivots towards the church as the obvious vocation destination.
Maybe it is. It's kind of complicated. Let me explain.
First, I have little desire to be a pastor at this point. I don't think I have the temperament for it. Nor the desire to deal with the crap that they do. Degree-wise, I concentrated in Christian Education. This typically puts me on a path to Minister of Education, Youth, or Children. Those are not areas to which I am opposed. Most of my freelance writing has been in the area of Sunday school curriculum. And I worked for many years as an assistant director at a summer youth conference. I could do those things and very well may one day, but...
"If you could turn your passion into a vocation, what would it be?"
That's a question from college. I was in a program called CRV (Church Related Vocations) and then EVM (Exploration of Vocational Ministry) and for all the good those programs did me they also kind of screwed me up. Because my passion doesn't really seem to exist as any sort of vocation out there as far as I can tell. The ministry that my parents run--the one that includes that summer youth conference Seesalt--always sought to communite the gospel through a variety of creative means: drama, chalk drawings, puppetry, etc. That has dramatically impacted my understanding of Christian education.
The last few years that I worked at Seesalt, I wrote dramas, crafted Bible studies, planned various aspects of worship services. All of those aspects were integrated together. The dramas, the Bible studies, the songs we sang, the visual prayers we created, everything worked in tandem to communicate and educate. We believe that is important because we all learn in different ways. Some will learn by teaching. Some will learn through watching something dramatized. Some will learn through music. And so forth.
So my passion? What I would like to do? It would be some combination of Worship Arts and Christian Education. The former is kind of odd because I am not strong musically and we have typically thought of worship solely in that arena. But what I mean is that I would be someone who would get together with musicians, preachers, etc. and plan out services and then connect it to whatever is going on in Sunday school, life groups, or whatever other arm of Christian education the church had. I could write, collect, and curate curriculum that would go along with the church calendar. This role would include writing (or selecting) dramas, prayers, and responsive readings. It would include finding other creative means to incorporate into worship whether it be visual arts or ancient practices. I don't know if something like that exists out there, but I would love to do that.
The other snag is theological/stylistic. My theology runs moderate (sometimes left of center depending on the day). Churches with which I identify theologically tend to be traditional in their style of worship. I am not against this. I love hymns. I love the rhythms and colors that go along with the church calendar. Those are aspects that I would love to incorporate into services.
But I also grew up with more sonic variety in my music. I grew up loving dramas and interruptions in worship services that were a little more outside the box. Trouble is, at least locally, is that churches that skew towards that style of worship tend to be on the more conservative end of the spectrum theologically. For just one example, they would never have a female pastor and I could not feel comfortable being in a church that would not affirm one's calling because of their gender.
So I'm kind of in this weird in-between place and I would love to pull those places together. I'm pretty sure I am not alone in that, but there does not seem to be many places where those folks have landed. Maybe I cannot have what ties into my specific passion. But there is part of me that yearns to be this weird Worship Arts/Christian Educator at a welcoming, moderate, Lectionary-following church that has hymns, guitars, drums, drama, art, responsive readings, and a whole crate full of different ideas that exist in worship. Perhaps that is a pipe dream, but that is something that I would like to do when I grow up.
